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Unfinished Thoughts - 01 September 2017
Thought it would be a good time to begin sharing some thoughts, the atmosphere in the world seems
to be in this state of transition, as it always is.
That has prompted me over the last few years to take a more serious look within, and ask some bigger
question about human nature and our potential.
This inquiry has taken me on a journey much continued and continuing studying, writing and thinking.
At the moment I seem to of found this new ground to stand upon
As a result of the studying, my mental capacities seemed to of expanded and has had tremendous
positive affects on my creative output, particularly my piano playing, i feel much free-er on the
As I am developing this new language for myself to interpret, engage and live more fully in the world,
i thought it would be a good time to begin to share my thoughts and my progress on this journey.
It could also provide a verbal narrative to the creative output i am planning to publish over the next
also a way for me fumble around in the unknown, to aid the unborn idea's that are assimilating in my unconscious.
Something like watering the fertile ground as we go from low res to a higher resolution of the material
Look forward to sharing and receiving some feedback too
September 5th 2017
Memories of Erasing Memories pt 1.
On the subject of the video series on my page here
it took me a while to arrive at creating them and to have the certainty in them to commit to the idea.
I came across the idea by mistake close to two years ago and couldn't really let it go,
Over time they began to make more and more sense, the idea which had formulated in my
unconscious as and what it wanted of me.
It began with the question of phones, social media and how to use them wisely?
It was evident there was much misuse and there were little guidelines,
Hence the results where that technology was being used badly, resulting in much complusive use and
neurotic simply painful behaviour to witness. And it seemed the question of good use, remained unknown
the video series was my attempt to explore this question.
One of the initial questions I had was the use of the material we capture and we seem to collect,
Once the picture had been taken, the moment had passed, of what use could the picture be?
Particularly if there are thousands of them
My experience was that I loved all the photo's and video's I had taken and i loved the memories,
many of the photo's, idea's were attached to moments which had unique and special qualities as all
At a certain point I began to set intentions with the pictures i was taking all on my phone,
that I would use parts of the images for sampling or video collage. Once again complicating the
My creative framework would seem to be one of a 'sampler', somebody who's brain saw a part of
something and wanted to isolate it,
to fragment it from its whole and apply this part to another part of something else. A collage style of
If being creative is a habit, or something that you do over a number of years week in week out,
I'm certain that it changes way neural pathways arrange themselves in your brain,
perhaps to having a more dominant creative problem solving capacity, hence changing the way you
experience reality itself and your relationship with reality.
For me I have experienced this in a variety of ways, when faced with normal day to day problems, i
over complicate them just so i can find a creative solution to my overcomplicating.
These are problematic aspects of being an creative artist to which I have uprooted the reasoning.
The was also a reason I would rarely participate in social media, because somehow i had a sensed the
underlying motivations to my engagement within it, and that i hadn't full understood my personal
I was still unaware of the dangers lurking in my own unconscious yet I was aware the unknown dangers
My greatest concern was that if there was some kind of split in my personality or in myself
that social media would work at its best to deepen, strengthen and reinforce this split
Anyway i started making these videos in October 2016, although i had spent a year prior to this
thinking about it, conceptualising and taking thousands of videos and picture all with intentions to use them
in my wacko psuedo reality.
It began in Prague, I spent a week there and had some good alone time in coffee shops and
restaurants and was able to attend to some things which required me to have a good perspective on things,
I downloaded final cut pro and began to ready myself and my computer for the making of film.
I made my first one of the plane on the return journey home, it was a video of myself walking down
the street in prague whilst recording myself on my laptop whilst charging my phone,
with other phone taken imagery layered on top.
I showed it to my friends on my return and they seemed to like it.
I took this as a success and the beginning of this new creative adventure
The project seemed to represent some recurring questions, circulating a handful of subjects, namely;
- The 'Selfie' Phenomena
As this was a by-products of this culture I am in and the only one I can be in
- The project portrayed an over stimulated of reality, a portrait from my interpretation of the world
- The layering of events, images and memories. This multi-dimensional space.
And how these images, symbols, events and memories all intertwined within us
My initial question, about a trivial matter such as picture storage lead me quite quickly to the bigger
questions of the human experience, which I'm currently having lots of fun with!
Until next time xxx
11th September 2017
Memories of Erasing Memories part 2
Next time has become next time already! So soon, good to be back here in this safe
So to continue from the previous stream of thoughts
On the subject of the video series on my page
So i described how the idea came about and what it initially revealed in the form of unanswered
It took me a while to build up certainty in the idea and courage to actually formulate and go with it
I felt it was too strange and it would be make no sense to anyone even parts of myself
I ultimately cared too much what other people thought
Over actually taking the pathway that seemed to present itself to me
After since beginning to formulate it and develop the idea's further
I found that it benefitted my thinking, the way i put music together
It was if I was trying to expand and build a bigger map of reality
Or how i perceived reality
To be able to visually represent the way I saw or felt how we actually worked as humans
How complicate we are, and how we seemed to be comprised of sub compartments
Or sub personalities
And how these personalities could conflict, entangle or harmonise
To either bring about greater chaos or greater order
I wanted to represent how we actually existed, somewhere in-between the past memories
The present moment and our future projections and how the totality of these
Surmounted as a whole self
and how the quality of this whole self depended on the state and interdependance of these
Sub entities that exist within each human being
It took me a while to collect all the material i had photographed and filmed
Some of the moments seemed 'brighter' that other and i had to siv through them which was tedious work
Once i had done this and began to execute my idea's
I realised how this method I was attempting to flesh out
was a great way to explore our own individual narrative
and to represent the narrative frameworks in which we live
What do I mean by this
Imagine how many things are happening within an enviroment at one present time
there is an infinite amount of things to captivate your attention
yet our brains process our environments, and out of an infinite amount of things
We choose to focus on one things, over another
For example in a room we will focus on what is happening through the view of the window
Over the micro-biology of what lives in our carpets
For this to happen we have to make a judgement, which means we value
the view from our windows over the micro-biology of the carpet
This choice is made because of the value of use, the event which captivates our attention
'the view from the window' may be more useful to us over the carpet
This phenomenon is demonstrated with the phone photography culture and the social media
Which captivates so much of our attention at higher and higher speeds and higher and higher
So the things which captivate our attention in our environments become the dominant narratives in our minds
If you look back at your own, you will see recurring colours, subjects, photographic compositions
Preferences which you habitually make
We take picture after picture week after week and document our lives on social media
After a few years of doing this we have an extensive timeline of the stories of our lives
As we are authoring them
we leave these, images/memories/novelties behind us like a trail of breadcrumbs
And we follow them back we can see the dominant narratives of our lives
the framework in which we exsist
And how we are allowing them to play out
I reflect upon mine and always see my insufficiency
See the room for improvement.
And I wonder what beliefs and values am I continuing to perpetuate, through my behaviour?
and do I even believe these beliefs anymore?
Would I like to see myself continue to behave in a way which perpetuates them?
Or do I have a believe or value that is stronger that can overpower an out of date version?
Do I know them well enough to know what they are and where they came from?
Where did I learn them from? who did I learn them from? my culture? my schooling? my friends?
My family? popular belief?
Then I attempt to rigorously challenge my biases and judgements, and get really honest
What believes or value do I envision for my future self and a future generation, assuming that
my behaviour has some influence over other, perhaps younger generations as I grow
Assuming that we are interconnected by our very natures
And Assuming there is a responsibility that comes along with this interconnected nature
I think what I am basically saying is I am obsessed and possessed,
But by what and who I do not know exactly
I have inclinations, and glimpses
This points to the unknown element of my being
For which I can only project into, imagine what it could be
Fantasise about what this possession that drives my behaviour is
And that realisation terrifies me
the sense of terror is balanced well with the sense i meaning i get from doing this type of work
All is well in the world
25th September 2017
Everything Came together in my Absence
Oh yeah, back at this again, full of blood!
Yeah on reflection on the last blog post, I think the idea I was trying to articulate
Perhaps poorly, but it was an attempt was 'Qualitative Distinctions'
Which is the idea of quality in relation to experience
And how we define this ourselves, individually and through society
I think it does relate to the narrative component I was trying to tie it with
But it may be a slightly more distant than I originally thought
But going through your photographs from over the years and making collages out of them
Seems like a good idea's
Making more out of less
Seems like a good indication of creativity
But here strikes the question of excess, as we are still addressing the Technology and constant snapping
when your looking at a folder on your computer of 7000 images
It could seem like your gazing into the stars at night
Peeking into the infinite
And each picture being and holding a world of its own
And then there are all of the moments you didn't photograph
Which significantly overwhelms the moments in which you did
So thats the infinite, we exist in an infinite space
And we are continually moment to moment are redefining ourselves within a space of infinity
Where anything is possible
Its really good to know, although
the freedom to know such as thing can be completely overwhelming and unbearable for your mind
I think we do know this, we have a sense of it, that there are stories, possibilities and potentials everywhere
And it is overwhelming
Many of us numb ourselves due to this rationalisation, with drugs, alcholol etc addictions and compulsions
Its hard to know what to do with it, the frameworks of our traditions are being pulled apart constantly
As we walk on uncertain ground, which is always shifting
Through the more and more information available to us
More is questioned and left open for redefinition
Which is not necessarily a bad thing, i think its good, yet I still see the value of traditions
I see how today is a direct consequence of our traditions
I see our religious traditions as mechanisms or frameworks for grounding us within the infinite space
Aiding us to function harmoniously within it and avoid the common pitfalls of our ancestors
Ive been having a lot of fun playing with the Idea of expectations? and Parameters?
Ive been enjoying looking at the them in an objective, scientific sense
And watching them combust, how to synthesize the unexpected?
And how to materialise something expected with your behaviour
Its an Al-Chemical Approach......
I haven't derived any concrete solutions solid enough to explain but fun it has been
What do you expect from life?
Underneath the conscious thought, there is a fantasy there
An imagining about what life should be
But it appears as if it 'should' be, yet the reality is more like 'could' be
Swimming in a pool of infinite possibilities, random has its place here
'Could' seems to imply something more 'continual' or 'fluid'
Whereas 'should' suggests something more determined and fixed,
in terms of the way it describes a vision about the future
So with this being said,
Music serves best as a fluid process or practice over a fixed product
Hence why the material reality of the music industry seem so detached from the living nature of things
Although in someways it has grown more and more combustion like, things are moving faster it seems
More and more records are coming out, more and more artists are coming and going
Yet somebody pointed out to me recently how the music, once materialised into a product
Takes on a new life, as people are able to engage with the work in a new way
Creating dialogue, multiple listens, the moments and memories that recordings can create
The Al-Chemical aspect of all of this is the words, the language used
and how through the language the reality is shaped
Language is a constructed framework which has its limitations
And i believe limitations are our biggest teachers
they give us opportunity for creative problem solving
And this human ability often looks like an expression of infinite potential
Back to the videos
'How many things can you express without the use of words'
'How many things can you say'
Thats a fun game to play, which fits well with the materials i've just written out
Yeah i feel unblocked now, ready to create some more
Enjoy the material if you can make sense of it, feedback would be good,
i don't know if anyone will ever read this, I've always done these types of diaries but I've never shared them
What I've started doing is week by week, the thoughts that amount and seem to materialise
I collected them on different bits of paper, and on my phone messenger
and when i get time to sit down I will work through them and try to make them cohesive
Let me know how Im doing!
26th September 2017
I had a really good time, illustrating the Infinity idea
I wanted to expand slighty
So, the body as a example, in its form and its biology
We all occupy, inhabit or exist in or through a body
So if you exercise or condition that body through fitness and training
You can achieve physical transformations of your own sculpting
And the results will come if you train
And what you find is the more you train, more you can sharpen and refine your physique
No matter what milestone you may reach
There is always another goal or another improvement you can make
It is as though peering into the infinite potential of the physical body
An this same principle or idea can be transferred across almost all domains of experience
Piano playing, Business, Art, Food and Cooking, Science
All of these domains have unexplored, unvisited territory
And its can seem as if that unexplored territory is restless to be explored
Theres two sides to this, in terms of how we perceive this phenomena
You experience it as unforfilling because no matter how much effort or sacrifice you make
There is a always a proceeding goal
I guess with this, something I have had to learn is to appreciate and be grateful for what I have got
And what I have achieved and temper the thirst for more
You can experience this phenomena as overwhelming just too many variables to swift through
Without the ability to filter or define or work through them
I too have experienced this, it is kind of a feeling of awestruckness
Which breeds a sense of paralysis, if you are open to all of it
How i dealt with this was to try to enjoy it, to learn not to judge the mistakes or the misfortunes
Too much. I am imagine myself swimming in a vast ocean exploring the unknown
Checking out the different types of fish, the coral, the large underwater animals
And trying to take it on as an adventure, knowing it would be impossible for me to not miss an opportunity
And then there is the definition......
Being able to define yourself within the vastness
I think this could be the embodiment aspect, which is expressed through sense of self or an ego
So this is where we try to present the truest version of ourself for the rest of the world to perceive us,
something definitive, subjective to a moment, which manifests itself through the infinite potential
In the world, in a moment, to other beings experiencing the same phenomena
And then also co - exsist in the same world over time, relative time which would mean inclusion of the
relevant events in the past, and the relative future
I'll stop there, interesting idea's but yeah in a bit out of my depth now
Its good to experience the infinite and it is also good to experience your limits